World, meet my mind

I was the one who thought of this challenge. I am very passive aggressive. And I find it very difficult to say what I’m thinking a lot of the time – often because in the moment I am not sure what I’m thinking. And then when I realize my thoughts or feelings about something the moment is often passed and don’t share, or the moment is still around but still don’t share because… well it’s uncomfortable for me. But I have been learning through an unfortunately difficult year that it helps other people to know what I am thinking – even if it is disagreeable or embarrassing (mostly for me).

So with this challenge in mind, I thought that I would help me confront some conflict issue or state of passive aggressiveness. Give me that extra boost of encouragement.

It turned out differently than I expected.

Those close to me know that it hasn’t been the easiest year of my life. The good part is that it has lead to my asking questions that have needed to be asked. It’s also lead to expressing frustrations and hurts that I’ve been carrying. I had a conversation with a friend back in December, catching up on how things were going for me. I was in a particularly low place. And in the conversation shared some things that I’ve been thinking that I haven’t told anyone. I want to celebrate that moment. It probably was more me telling myself what I was really thinking, and making it real through disclosing to someone else. But it was also helpful for me to tell them what I was thinking. Now they are better suited to know how to care for me.

Heather

What are you thinking about?

Last night over dinner, Hannah and I were talking, and I misinterpreted something that she said (though I didn’t know it was a misinterpretation at the time). On our walk back, and in her flat, I was mulling over how to go about explaining how it made me feel.

She looked at me and said, “What are you thinking about?”

Any other month I might have said, “Oh, nothing..”, but this month I told her. And then she invested over an hour in helping me to discover how I could explain my reaction better, and sought to understand. It was one of those questions that makes introspection both necessary and slow. She was patient and lovely. Thanks, Hannah.

Sara

It’s a shame you won’t date me.

Upon coming to China, I think my tongue has loosened a little. For better or for worse,  I wrote an old flame today after receiving a highly unexpected email from him explaining how it life was going (it was long–10 minutes reading?)  I lived at home for two years after graduating from college to attend grad school. We were in the same town and I think he called once to hang out because he was alone and reminiscent.  I never understood why he never wanted to date me now, later in life while in high school…well, it’s in the past, right?

So I emailed him back and slid in a little diddy: “It’s a shame you won’t date me…[added a joke].” So there it is. That’s my big disclosure.

Aw Crap, Another One

So, I told myself that I wasn’t going to do anymore challenges related to unemployment.  It’s a rather depressing topic, and it can’t be my whole life, right?  It shouldn’t take over everything, especially not lovely things like The List II.

Yet… here I am, writing another post about my current situation.   Oh, whatever… Sara’s are mostly to do with China; we write what we know.

So, when first unemployed, I sort of panicked.  I applied for any job that I was qualified for that was tied to my field, including some that I didn’t really want, either due to the position itself, or the length of the commute to get to the position.  This, inevitably, led to my setting up interviews that I didn’t really want to go to, which, understandably,  led to my having a bit of a breakdown yesterday.  The sitting on the kitchen floor, sobbing and pleading with God sort of breakdown.  As far as breakdowns go, it was fairly stellar, and didn’t involve me hurting anyone, which is always a breakdown bonus.  We have learned:

Apply For Anything = Interviews You Don’t Want = Stellar Breakdown

After talking with the best friend and my parents last night, I realized that I couldn’t/shouldn’t go for interviews that I’m dreading, rather than just nervous about.  There’s no point in wasting my time, or their time.  And it could impede my getting a position that I really want.  So, I could just not show up for the interviews (bad option), lie about why I can’t interview (very attractive option) or tell the truth (slightly scarier option).

So, I called and cancelled the interviews this morning.  For the first, I just said that I wouldn’t be able to interview at this time (bit of a stretch, but still true), and the other, well, I was honest.  I said what I was thinking.  I told the nice lady that while I was interested in the position, the commute would just be too long, and that I’m trying to lessen my driving, not increase it.  And what did she do?  She didn’t argue or complain or hang up on me.  She said that she was disappointed, because she was excited when she got my resume, and that she would pass it along within the organization.

And what happened this afternoon because of that?  I set up an interview for a position 8 blocks from my house.  Pretty sweet, non?  I could walk, even in winter.  Sha-zam!  I could finally attain living/working/churching in the same community.  Bam!

A =  Potential Workplace, B = My Place, C = Church Place

So, I’ve gone from two interviews today for jobs I didn’t want to two interviews on Monday for jobs I do want.  Sometimes honesty pays off.

(I may redo this one later, because I’ve got some great stuff that I’ve been holding back from people.  Mostly uplifting or challenging words, but words I’m afraid to say.  Yes, I hope I do repeat this challenge in the next month.  That would be a very good thing.)

Jennifer

Do this one a little more tactfully than I did….

Well, I thought it, and I said it, several times. I happened to be in the middle of a horrendous fight with my boyfriend when I decided that I shouldn’t do the usual, “well, yeah, you’re right…” and instead, in the name of the the list, and in the name of honesty, I should let it all fly. It flew, and then it hit the proverbial fan again, and again, and again.

The fight went downhill, but I’m not totally sure that that was a bad thing. What I said was ugly, and it resulted in a lot more ugliness, but it was honest, and it brought my ugliness into the light. It showed me that what I was thinking was absolutely sinful and wrong, but if I hadn’t said it, it would have lingered. It would have stuck around in my mind as if it were something that were probably wrong, but potentially true, and it would have continued to eat away at our relationship. I don’t think that the answer is to just let loose and say whatever we’re thinking all the time, but there are times that the lies that we believe need to be brought out into the open so that others can show us exactly what they are.

Jen

Welcome to The List II

6 women (see “Participants”)

3 continents (see the locations in “Participants”)

27 challenges (see “Items of The List II”)

1.5 months (December 1, 2009 – January 15, 2010)

many reasons (see “What Is The List II?”)

1 blog (bravo! you’ve found it!)

hopefully regular updates and reflections on how we’re all faring with this undertaking…