No One Talks About The Elephant

I read once that family secrets break families. They hinder any attempts at intimacy, and the system breaks down, so to speak. Over the last few years I’ve wondered if my secret was part of my family’s break up. Maybe, but the secret was bigger than just me.

I’m not going to give any details, but most of you can likely guess the topic. I talked to my mom a few days before Christmas and told her something I’ve been holding on to for most of my life. We had one of the most intimate, revealing, difficult, and surprisingly good conversations we have ever had. I don’t know what it will mean from here on out, but I don’t have any secrets from my mother any more.

And Now I’ll Turn Off The Lights…

In order to clear the air, I purchased carbon emission offsets for approximately one month of how I live my life.

Using one website (I used EcoNeutral), I calculated the total carbon impact that I have in one month (including car travel and electricity use).  Knowing that my carbon footprint is actually bigger than this, given plastic packaging on items I buy, foods I eat, etc (maybe I should have used Carbon Footprint instead), I rounded up on my usage.

Then I went to Less (given the highest rating for  by the David Suzuki Foundation for carbon offset vendors) and purchased a month’s worth of offsets.  It’s not much (it’s also not enough), but it does help to clear the air.

Less lights on = less electricity used (though they are compact fluorescents now) = smaller carbon footprint.  I’m just glad I don’t fly (can’t afford the flights or the carbon offsets).

Jennifer

Taking a Deep Breath of Good Air

I had a conversation on the phone today that didn’t go well. The person’s reaction to what I was saying surprised me. It was clear that they were hurt by what had been said, and were therefore shutting down over the phone. We hung up with what I took as them pretending not to care about what had just transacted and my feeling stunned that we wound up in this place.

The transaction is a bit of a pattern in my relationship with this person. Feel hurt, shut down emotionally, and then it doesn’t get talked about. And as patterns go, it keeps on repeating itself until something interrupts the process.

I didn’t let the pattern go today. I called them back and called each other on what had just taken place. My relationship with them is worth more than allowing the comfortable but destructive pattern of relating continue.

I don’t think I got it all right. I could have listened more, been more committed to hearing their world without feel the need to justify mine. But the fruit of understanding grew in the moment, despite the above mentioned. And I believe we are better for it.

Through this I am reminded of how each persons feelings are valid and their own. Who are we to say that what they are feeling is wrong? And how important it is for to affirm each other, to let each other know how wonderful we are and that we care. Maybe if I remembered this a bit more I wouldn’t need to clear the air as often.

Heather

Welcome to The List II

6 women (see “Participants”)

3 continents (see the locations in “Participants”)

27 challenges (see “Items of The List II”)

1.5 months (December 1, 2009 – January 15, 2010)

many reasons (see “What Is The List II?”)

1 blog (bravo! you’ve found it!)

hopefully regular updates and reflections on how we’re all faring with this undertaking…