The perfect time of year for awkward conversations…

Jeremy volunteers at a youth drop in type place in a neighbouring town not far from where we reside. Because of this, we were invited to a Christmas party where some of the other leaders were as well as some of the youth from the church. I didn’t really want to go, because the few people who speak English sort of intimidate me, to be honest, and who really is good at striking up conversation with strangers? I mean, other than my husband. I decided to take one for the team (aka the list) and go. It was totally so awkward at first. I was trying to think of some good ice breaker games but these are rather difficult when only half the room understands each other. Then a young man decided to play “Outburst”. It was pretty fun. Loosened me up a bit, which was nice, since I was gripping Jer’s hand so tight it was losing blood. Some of the topics were things only Germans would know, like kids songs and German holiday destinations (Canada was not on the list, to my shock and dismay, but I guessed it anyway). We lost, but had fun. Then a young 18 year old couldn’t believe I was 30 because I was dressed “cool”. :) Ha.

So, after the game, I took the opportunity to talk to one of the girls who more or less leads the youth group with another girl. She recently got engaged, and had her civil wedding. Here in Europe (at least in Germany and Switzerland… and other places I think) there are two weddings. One where you go and make everything legal with the state, and the church wedding where you make it legal before God. Interesting, I know. Most people opt to have the civil wedding and the church wedding about a week apart, and the church wedding is the one with the big dress and the gifts and the party. Well, we talked about her church wedding, a very easy topic if you’ve been married or are getting married. It was nice. I learned a little more about her, and even gave her a hug when I left. Oh, and I like hugging people when I’m pregnant cause the bump now comes first, and it’s kind of cool. Random, I know. Sorry.

The point is, that I talked to someone I wouldn’t usually and it was nice. Still awkward, but nice.

Stephanie

Carless: Awesome

I teach at the new campus of the university, but live near the old campus. This requires a roughly 40-minute bus ride every morning and afternoon. Lately I’ve been reading really good books, and I’ve been bringing them to read on the bus. It’s been glorious. However, I’ve been forgetting my book lately. Accidentally, but not unfortunately. A few recent bus rides have included really great conversations, during which I’ve gotten to know a few of my co-workers. In fact, the bus is the best place to make friends. Monday I traveled home with a co-worker who I’ve never really spoken to before, and got to know him a bit. The week before, I traveled home with another co-worker, and got to know him a bit, too. Last weekend I took the time on a day trip to ask a third co-worker to tell me more about her life, and her previous training.

I tell you, I’m enjoying being completely dependent on my bike and on the bus here. (I can take the taxi, but I don’t necessarily want to — the taxi drivers here are *crazy*. They are renowned within China for being the most crazy, actually, and make me feel very religious.) The one-person-one-car method of Canadian commuting is really unfortunate. All I can think is that I wouldn’t have ever gotten to know so many of my co-workers if we all took ourselves home in our own cars.

Public transit: community building.

sarajane

Won’t you be my neighbour?

I said this in my last post, but I’ll say again in case someone didn’t read it there. Something I am really appreciating about the List II is how it in trying to complete challenges I am more aware of what is going on around me. And it also provides me with a bit of courage to make different choices to do the challenges.

The TV show, Mister Rogers’, freaked me out a bit me out as a kid. The puppets were what did it for me, mostly. But I probably have a couple of things to learn from him about being a friendly neighbour.

My housemates, Joel and Asher, share a birthday. It happens to be today. So in good fashion, we threw a birthday party. Lots of people and dancing to be had (I’ll get to the dancing in another post). Here’s a little insight into my life. I can only handle so much “party”. I love to catch up with people. But after a while I don’t really know what to do with myself. I’d much rather hole up with a friend or two in my room have good laughs and talks. (which I did tonight, for a little bit). So big party at my house… and I’m inclined to sneak up to my room at various points and not have to work out how to engage with all these people in my house (and tonight there were a lot of people).

I had this challenge in mind today – learn something about someone - and actually, I’ve been trying to put it into action all week, with my team in particular. But also with people who are generally around me. But tonight there was a clear choice that I made, which I would like to celebrate.

My neighbour is somewhat connected to my housemate, Joel, which has lead to his coming to our church. I met him on Sunday for the first time. He came by the party tonight. I saw him, said hello – and then stuck with what was comfortable and kept conversations rolling with my friends. At another point in the night I was in good conversation with a couple of friends and enjoying some great mulled wine (being stationed by the stove, this was easy to enjoy). I could see my neighbour across the room, on his own. I gave it a moment, to see if someone else would engage him in conversation, and well, perhaps you could just call this stalling. But a little voice inside me said “this is an opportunity, Heather…” and soon found my feet taking me across the room.

And we had a great conversation.

I learned about my neighbour, that I have lived next to for a year and half but only met on Sunday. He and his housemates witnessed me single-handedly almost burn the house down with the BBQ this summer whist doing up some ribs. They laughed at me. I can remember it clearly (and then almost ran myself and the plate of ribs into a post trying to get back into the house)  He’s an artist and is working on a series of mini drawings. He does one a day. And his drawings reflect tones of the day he has had. He hopes to one day make a living out of being an artist. And has a studio in the downtown eastside. He’s a pretty sweet guy.

Why didn’t I say hello a year and a half sooner?

Heather

You Can Call It A Cop-Out

I had better plans for this challenge; I really did. I was going to learn about the pre-me lives of my parents, or the secret past life of a friend, or the dreams of someone that I’m not too fond of. I had a list of ideas and everything. But then the sky started falling, and I figured I had better get more than one challenge out of the experience.

And really, I have learned something about someone. That someone just happens to be me.

With more late-night thinking, I came to the realization that this has pretty easily been one of the worst years of my life. That’s including comparison to the brutality of junior high, the dysfunctional romance of university, the year of friend-loss and a few fairly tremendous life errors. This year has just not been good. There have been good bits, to be sure. Even some great bits. Heck, even some enormous blessings. But all-in-all, 27 has stunk for me. There have been many days that I simply wanted to evaporate; days that I felt abandoned by those that I’m closest to; days that I have struggled with God to find any meaning to the existence of human beings, of life. There have been times that I have felt betrayed and cheaply lied to; times my own body even seemed to turn on me; times that I honestly questioned my own sanity, whether or not I was literally going crazy, was severely mentally ill. There has been death and disease and despair.

And then I lost my job. One of the only things that I could point to and say “I’m good at this.” One of the only things that I felt gave me purpose. If one had asked me prior to the event itself, I would have said that such a loss would destroy me. Even afterwards, I’ve been in wait for the devastation to hit; I have expected to become a wreck. But I’ve learned something about myself.

I am more resilient than I ever would have thought.

I am not fragile or without strength.

I can have hope and joy in the worst of times.

It’s doubtful that I am the origin of this resilience; this strength; this hope and joy. I do believe that it comes from a relational and loving God. But it’s still within me, regardless of where credit is due. And after months of feeling on the edge of complete mental slippage, it’s amazing to see such coping, nay, thriving in the face of such a blow.

So call it a cop-out, but maybe it was the thing that I most needed to learn about someone. With a career based on learning about others, I had to finally learn something about myself.

Jennifer

Welcome to The List II

6 women (see “Participants”)

3 continents (see the locations in “Participants”)

27 challenges (see “Items of The List II”)

1.5 months (December 1, 2009 – January 15, 2010)

many reasons (see “What Is The List II?”)

1 blog (bravo! you’ve found it!)

hopefully regular updates and reflections on how we’re all faring with this undertaking…