This Is Not Okay

I went to work early today.  Got there at 0730.  I accomplished a lot; I was finally feeling like I could conquer my work to-do list.

A girl I work with, she’s 13.  She’s tough, or at least that’s the way she seems.  Scared me a bit, when I first met her.  Never too sure what a kid will do to prove themselves, right?

But I started to work with her anyways.  I’d ask her about her day; listen to what she said.  I told her I was glad to see her whenever I got the chance.  I asked a lot of questions.  And I didn’t put up with any lies, or any crap.  I called her on stuff, you know?

So today, she comes to me at lunch, and she’s crying.  This tough little chick, she’s crying because someone hurt her feelings.  And no, she’s not completely innocent, but she knows that she can come to me, and cry, and I’ll listen, and advocate for her, and at least be fair.  She knows that when it all boils down, I’m on her side.

And then, less than an hour later, I got fired.  I was told it would be my last day, I was supervised as I gathered my belongings, and I was walked to my car.  I was not to speak to my colleagues, and I was not given time to provide a healthy closing for my kids.

The rest of my day was mostly spent in shock, and I did a little bit of crying, and I did a fair bit of worrying.  A little for the kids I work with, but mostly for me.  I’m allowed to be selfish like that today; I got fired.

But when I was in bed, my legs aching from emotional exhaustion, trying to wrestle my mind to sleep, it hit me.  The anger.  I got mad.

Really mad.

And I beat on my pillow and I yelled.

Not for me, but for her.  Who’s going to help her (and her parents) through the suspension she’s got coming her way?  Who’s she going to come to, crying?  Who is she going to trust now?  And who would blame her for not trusting anyone after the person she opened up to walked away without a word or explanation?

I yelled.  And I pleaded with God.  Mostly for her, and then a little for me.

My throat is sore, and I yelled.

Jennifer

Welcome to The List II

6 women (see “Participants”)

3 continents (see the locations in “Participants”)

27 challenges (see “Items of The List II”)

1.5 months (December 1, 2009 – January 15, 2010)

many reasons (see “What Is The List II?”)

1 blog (bravo! you’ve found it!)

hopefully regular updates and reflections on how we’re all faring with this undertaking…