World, meet my mind

I was the one who thought of this challenge. I am very passive aggressive. And I find it very difficult to say what I’m thinking a lot of the time – often because in the moment I am not sure what I’m thinking. And then when I realize my thoughts or feelings about something the moment is often passed and don’t share, or the moment is still around but still don’t share because… well it’s uncomfortable for me. But I have been learning through an unfortunately difficult year that it helps other people to know what I am thinking – even if it is disagreeable or embarrassing (mostly for me).

So with this challenge in mind, I thought that I would help me confront some conflict issue or state of passive aggressiveness. Give me that extra boost of encouragement.

It turned out differently than I expected.

Those close to me know that it hasn’t been the easiest year of my life. The good part is that it has lead to my asking questions that have needed to be asked. It’s also lead to expressing frustrations and hurts that I’ve been carrying. I had a conversation with a friend back in December, catching up on how things were going for me. I was in a particularly low place. And in the conversation shared some things that I’ve been thinking that I haven’t told anyone. I want to celebrate that moment. It probably was more me telling myself what I was really thinking, and making it real through disclosing to someone else. But it was also helpful for me to tell them what I was thinking. Now they are better suited to know how to care for me.

Heather

Never thought myself the type

Knitting, crocheting, needle work… all that genre of craft… very little of me feels inspired to do it. When I knit, I last about as long as it takes to make a dish cloth. A small dish cloth. I lack the patience for such things (or so I tell myself). Still, this Christmas I found myself developing an itching desire to learn how to use the old needle and thread to make pretty things on fabric.

The start to my learning began in two phases.

1. Auntie Grace teaching me from one of her books

2. Grambo teaching me by using one of her table clothes that her Godmother made for her (one of which I have now inherited. Beautiful. And also to ambitious for myself).

I am planning on incorporating it into my journals. And maybe with a quilt someday (if I can make it that far… I might just wind up with a lot of rags…)

Heather

You need to look this badass when you are stitching into leather...

Get on that bike…

So I haven’t actually done this challenge yet, because Vancouver, being the city it is, has bucketed rain for a good portion of this week. But here’s the deal. My team gathers at a house a short drive away from my place every Monday for team training. I resolved to bike there on Mondays, instead of drive for my health and the health of the environment (which winds up helping my health.. it just keeps on going).

So. It’s a bit of a cheat, I haven’t done it yet. But I have my housemate extra bike light and my headlamp (because I don’t own my own yet and it’s so darn dark here still…)

Next Monday. Bike, you will be mine.

Heather

Fine Wine and Art Party

I enjoy being host of various gatherings at my home, the “1984 House”. What I really enjoy is helping people gather in a way that has the group doing something active, that build relationship or helps people try new things. At least I think I like that sort of thing. I don’t do it as much as I think about it. But here and there I pull things out.

The “Fine Wine and Art Party” had been a gathering brewing in my mind for quite some time. There are so many talented and gifted individuals among my friends. I was stoked about being able to come together, have someone share a gift/talent with us and teach us something in the process. So this past Saturday, two artist friend, Sara and James taught 20 some people in my house how to draw. It was so great. James taught us how to draw faces and Sara taught us to draw figures.

What was most exciting for me was to hear people’s delight in seeing what they had created at the end of the night. We all drew faces… that looked like faces. And learned how to celebrate movement and figures through a piece of charcoal.

I’ve been waiting to post this so I could get some pics, because I feel like this one definitely deserves pictures. There’s more that I will get my hands on later as well (thanks, friends!). You might have to look them up on Facebook, though. Big thanks to Dylon for taking these photos.

Heather

Me, recovering, after being shocked by Klod the manican at the door

Sara, on the left, giving a figure drawing lesson

Preparing to draw a face

A work in progress

James, red shirt at the head of the table, teaching us to draw faces

Posing for figure drawing

You can see some of the figure drawings on the floor

I’m taking a creative license on place…

Cleaning my room. It’s something I try to keep up with. I think that there is truth when people say that the state of your room can reflect the state of your inner world. If my room is messy – and messy for a long time – it often means that I’m not really the best space. Cleaning my room is a constant battle. Somethings never change, right mom?

So I didn’t really want to clean my room for the challenge of tidying my space (which for the record, is tidy… I went ninja on it yesterday). But did something else that I’ve been wanting to do for a while now. The place I am choosing to tidy is my body.

I’ll be doing a 30 day full body cleanse for the duration January. Colon, liver, kidney, limp nodes, skin, lungs, and whatever else is left – prepared to be cleaned out. Added points for doing this with my mom as well. A little long distance activity, together.

Heather

Mandarin, anyone?

Ok. This one is long overdue, as are many that I have done but not posted.

Jennifer had a birthday party (happy birthday, Jennifer) while I was in Edmonton. Jennifer throws a nice party. Lots of good food and always superb company. Company included some friends I hadn’t seen in a while (hello, Aidan, Jen, and Paul!) and mandarins (among other food).

Jennifer and I decided that tonight was my night to eat fruit. So I ate oranges. But they were mini madarins… so i figured that I had to eat about 3 minis for every one standard, with the goal of meeting my 4-5 fruit protion for the day.

Many mandarins makes me maximized. (i was very full).

Too bad I had a family dinner right after that – which I forgot about in the hype of the oranges (and my oh-so-hungry tummy that couldn’t get enough of Jennifer’s left over coconut rice before the party began…)

Heather

Dance, dance, dance

At the before mentioned birthday party (see “Will You Be My Neighbour?”) there was a dance party. Dance parties are quite common with my friends here in Vancouver. There is a good love of good music and people who who are ready for fun. How could we NOT dance?

Well. I didn’t want to dance. Things started hopping around midnight – and I was tired. Sheri is often responsible for getting things going. She and Hans. I was drawn in by a song that was promised to be epic. Chris Brown, “Forever”.  A much loved song by our folks, and a much loved moment in “The Office”.

That was followed by more treasures by the Arcade Fire, MGMT, M. Ward, and more – closing with a little “One, Two, Three, Four” by Feist. A nice wind down and awesome singalong. We gave it our all.

(I didn’t get any pictures of last night, but here are pictures of our Halloween party, just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about).

Dance on!

Heather

Taking a Deep Breath of Good Air

I had a conversation on the phone today that didn’t go well. The person’s reaction to what I was saying surprised me. It was clear that they were hurt by what had been said, and were therefore shutting down over the phone. We hung up with what I took as them pretending not to care about what had just transacted and my feeling stunned that we wound up in this place.

The transaction is a bit of a pattern in my relationship with this person. Feel hurt, shut down emotionally, and then it doesn’t get talked about. And as patterns go, it keeps on repeating itself until something interrupts the process.

I didn’t let the pattern go today. I called them back and called each other on what had just taken place. My relationship with them is worth more than allowing the comfortable but destructive pattern of relating continue.

I don’t think I got it all right. I could have listened more, been more committed to hearing their world without feel the need to justify mine. But the fruit of understanding grew in the moment, despite the above mentioned. And I believe we are better for it.

Through this I am reminded of how each persons feelings are valid and their own. Who are we to say that what they are feeling is wrong? And how important it is for to affirm each other, to let each other know how wonderful we are and that we care. Maybe if I remembered this a bit more I wouldn’t need to clear the air as often.

Heather

Won’t you be my neighbour?

I said this in my last post, but I’ll say again in case someone didn’t read it there. Something I am really appreciating about the List II is how it in trying to complete challenges I am more aware of what is going on around me. And it also provides me with a bit of courage to make different choices to do the challenges.

The TV show, Mister Rogers’, freaked me out a bit me out as a kid. The puppets were what did it for me, mostly. But I probably have a couple of things to learn from him about being a friendly neighbour.

My housemates, Joel and Asher, share a birthday. It happens to be today. So in good fashion, we threw a birthday party. Lots of people and dancing to be had (I’ll get to the dancing in another post). Here’s a little insight into my life. I can only handle so much “party”. I love to catch up with people. But after a while I don’t really know what to do with myself. I’d much rather hole up with a friend or two in my room have good laughs and talks. (which I did tonight, for a little bit). So big party at my house… and I’m inclined to sneak up to my room at various points and not have to work out how to engage with all these people in my house (and tonight there were a lot of people).

I had this challenge in mind today – learn something about someone - and actually, I’ve been trying to put it into action all week, with my team in particular. But also with people who are generally around me. But tonight there was a clear choice that I made, which I would like to celebrate.

My neighbour is somewhat connected to my housemate, Joel, which has lead to his coming to our church. I met him on Sunday for the first time. He came by the party tonight. I saw him, said hello – and then stuck with what was comfortable and kept conversations rolling with my friends. At another point in the night I was in good conversation with a couple of friends and enjoying some great mulled wine (being stationed by the stove, this was easy to enjoy). I could see my neighbour across the room, on his own. I gave it a moment, to see if someone else would engage him in conversation, and well, perhaps you could just call this stalling. But a little voice inside me said “this is an opportunity, Heather…” and soon found my feet taking me across the room.

And we had a great conversation.

I learned about my neighbour, that I have lived next to for a year and half but only met on Sunday. He and his housemates witnessed me single-handedly almost burn the house down with the BBQ this summer whist doing up some ribs. They laughed at me. I can remember it clearly (and then almost ran myself and the plate of ribs into a post trying to get back into the house)  He’s an artist and is working on a series of mini drawings. He does one a day. And his drawings reflect tones of the day he has had. He hopes to one day make a living out of being an artist. And has a studio in the downtown eastside. He’s a pretty sweet guy.

Why didn’t I say hello a year and a half sooner?

Heather

I’m Sticking up For Christmas

Write a letter of protest.

I’ve been inclined to avoid this one. I don’t feel like I know enough of issues that you might write a protest letter about, for the most part. And then I have an aversion to mailing things. I think it’s subconscious. Letters can stick on my desks for months before being sent. I thank email and spontaneity for completion of this challenge.

Here’s the story.

I was driving a friend home from a show last night. We saw J. Tillman play at the Biltmore (one of my favourite venues in Vancouver). We were listening to the radio and talking about the many interesting aspects of the show. An ad for Walmart rudely interrupted my train of thought, and soon I was consumed with anger to do with how they portraying Christmas. You might have heard it? (rough paraphrase… apart from bolded)  “Do you remember when your family used to string 1000′s of cranberries on a string to decorate the Christmas tree? …. your kids don’t. It’s all about the gifts. Come to Walmart to get all the latest toys your kids will wants”.

Your kids don’t, it’s all about the Gifts. What IS that? You’re wrong, Walmart. It’s not about the gifts. It’s about HOPE, GIVING, and LIFE. The ad made me a bit sick to my stomach. Are we loosing Christmas? I really do believe that hope, giving and life are central to Christmas – and to the health of our communities.

One of the things I am enjoying about The List II is that it helping me to be conscious of things that I wouldn’t think of ordinarily. Ordinarily I would rant to my friends about my distaste for the ad, but that would be it. Instead, this challenge came to mind. What could I do? Write a letter (or email) of protest.

So I did.

Unfortunately, I copied over the copy of the email that wanted to add in this blog. Basically it said this: I heard your ad on the radio (quote above text hear) today. Christmas isn’t about getting the latest gifts. Our communities need the values that come with Christmas to be healthy. Your ad is the opposite of what needs to be encouraged in our communities. It promotes selfishness and materialism. I will not be shopping at Walmart for any of my Christmas gifts (nor do i ever really shop there, really). And I am going to be encouraging my friends not not shop there either. I am also requesting that the ad be removed from the radio, and will be taking steps to follow that through.

(Take that, Walmart).

Heather